Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
