Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
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I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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