THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
