I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
