How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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