You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
