i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
