Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
