I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize