I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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