9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
