I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize