Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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