so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
