it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
