When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
