I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
