I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
