all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
