how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
