you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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