Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
as a side note pls kill me
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
