11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
A+ Viking dick
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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