You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
