Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You can't just leave with hair like that
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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