Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
