The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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