Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
