Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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