Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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