Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i wish my penis had a tongue
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
