Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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