i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
