That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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