In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
