WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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