So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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