Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
