Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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