if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
