i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
