Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
