Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
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I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
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He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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