this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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