Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
