your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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