so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
