if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
