things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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