At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
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you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
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Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.