Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"