well I can't set my house on fire every night
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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