just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
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is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
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you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.