We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right