I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.