Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
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Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
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he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.