I think I died a long time ago.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!