Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
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It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
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Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.