thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.