I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
