Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
