fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
