then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
