So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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