why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
