All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
