I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
