my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
