We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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