hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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