Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
