where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
