Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
