It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
