My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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