Apparently you make a good broom.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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