Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My ass is underappreciated
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
