i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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